I'm not coherent enough to string together words because of the pain I feel I'm my heart. You were gone way too quick. Like a meteorite streaming across the sky that is my life, beautiful yet short lived. I knew you were special even since the first day we met at the pound. You were number five. Five dogs? What we're we thinking. All I know is that I didn't think number five would be an extra burden since you're so small in stature. But what you lack in size, hair and teeth, you made it up with your presence in the moment and zest for life. You were quick to be friends with Amaze, your partner in crime whilst keeping Halo and Willi at bay. You hung out with Bro even though he wasn't very playful towards you. You truly were the glue that bind them all together. Now, we are so lost without you.
I'm going to miss the way your skin feels; the feeling of kissing your hairless forehead. I'm going to miss how you lean your head when I scratch your neck and back. I'm going to miss how you try to get up my leg each time I walk through that door. Oh how I wish I could hear those little toes tapping into the wooden floor each time you moved around the house. I'm going to miss how actively you engage whenever you hear even just the first syllable of your name. I'm going to miss how your eyes look so intently for any opportunity to seize my attention. The very thing that I will miss the most is your bark each time I get home. It annoyed me each time you did it specially because the others didn't do it as much. But what I came to realise is that, your barking is a symbol, a demarcation point of my day. It is the point when my working life ceases and family life starts. Your bark meant I am home. And now the void of not hearing that each time I park the car kills me inside because I know you're no longer here. Your barking is now just a distant echo; a memory of what used to be now lulling away into nothingness.
No one will understand how much you meant to us. You're our little grey, my chikka chiks, chikka that lives on the 2nd floor, sheiks, ratty little. I've always imagined you'd live past 20 years because you're so healthy. The way we lost you, so tragic and sudden, it's not fair. As I held your little, lifeless body one last time and kissed your forehead, I could never say goodbye. I'm so sad that I will never see you again. You'll now only exist in my dreams and memory all but limited to what my human brain would allow me to keep. In time, they will also fade into the grey.
You're an amazing member of our family. While you and Amaze entertained us with your antics, you effortlessly taught me how to turn vulnerabilities into strengths. For such a small dog, you left such huge holes in my heart. The idea that all sentient life matters is now forever cemented into my consciousness because of you. Each time I remember there was five, it will never be the same. Your life is just as valuable as anyone else in this world, human or non-human. You showed me what it's like to need someone that needs you without being selfish. You showed me how to trust 100% even if you risked rejection. In your natural instinctive ways, you showed me how non-humans love.
I don't even know why I am writing this when I know you won't be able to read it. Although at times in your life, I'm convinced you understood English even though you're Mexican. But I guess the pain in my heart needs a way to come out, not just through the tears I'm shedding. I also want to capture how much you captured our hearts so that when I look back each passing days, I'm forever reminded of you. Above all else, I'm writing this so I can be reminded of the hardest lesson you taught me. Never take each moment with your loved one for granted. Because in a blink of an eye, they could be gone forever. I love you, sweet chikka. You'll be forever in our hearts.
